Disgusting
by Wanderliing
Summary: Drabble based on the night that Nico didn't want to sleep in Percy's room in HoH. Mild spoilers for MoA


A/N: I wanted to do a warmup drabble before I wrote actual stuff I need to be doing, so I wrote an idea I got reading HoH forever ago. Admittedly this is sad, and I'm not sure if I like it. I also didn't check all of my facts, so some things might be a little obscure. This is also my first time writing PJO/HoO stuff too heh…. I hope you guys like it!

Also Mark Of Athena spoilers, mildly anyway.

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Nico really didn't want to spend the night in Percy's room. He had wanted to sleep literally anywhere else. He would sleep in the stables, on the floor, at the table, not at all. Anywhere but Percy Jackson's room. But here he was, creeping into the missing boy's room in the dead of night. No one else was awake, aside from Jason Grace, but he was easy enough to walk past. His attention was on forces invading the ship, not things happening from within. What was a crew member walking around at night to him? They were probably just going to the bathroom. Even Nico DiAngelo had to pee, right?

So Nico had ended up in front of the wooden door that led to Percy's bed, the place he had been staying while they had been on this damned mission. Nico felt like he had more right than the others to be able to throw that word around. Besides maybe Hazel, she could say it too. Urgh wait, it wasn't quite the same. People didn't move away from Hazel in a room. In fact, some people even moved closer to comfort her. She got to have people who loved her. People who didn't feel scared to be around her.

Nico pushed the thoughts down; he wasn't going to that place, not now. Those thoughts were just bad and dark, and he didn't need to drown in them. He was with people recently though, it always made things worse for him. He knew they would never trust him, not completely anyway. Not even Percy, who had known him from before all of this had happened.

Nico pressed his hand to the door before sticking his ear against it. He listened quietly, making sure there was no noise behind it. It was unlikely anyone would have gone into the boy's room, especially with Annabeth gone too, but he just had to be sure. If someone saw him in Percy's room after he said he didn't want to be in there… It wouldn't end well. The lights were dark and there was no sign of noise so Nico twisted it curiously. It opened.

Nico warily pushed the door open and walked inside. It was a basic room, nothing compared to Percy's at home. But yet it still seemed… lived in. Nico couldn't quite put his finger on it, but you could tell a young man usually stayed here. A mall pile of Percy's clothes were on the floor beside the end of the bed. Nico eyed them warily and stopped at the side of Percy's bed.

The bed admittedly looked comfortable, even though Nico said he wouldn't sleep there. It hadn't been touched since Percy left. Of course it wasn't made or anything, but the blanket had been pulled up to the pillows half-heartedly. As if Percy kind of cared about how it looked, he had bothered to make the attempt. He hadn't done the entire thing though, that was too much for the reckless black haired teen apparently. It made a ghost of a smile creep to Nico's face which quickly disappeared. He pushed the comforter back, exposing the sheets underneath.

After a moment of pause at the side of the bed, Nico kicked off his shoes and curled up inside the sheets. Grabbing the blanket he pulled it up to his chin, covering his entire body in its warmth. A bed was nice after spending so much time away from one. Nico had almost forgotten what one had felt like; it had been so long… He closed his eyes, long eyelashes moving to touch the bottom of his eyes instead. The rush of smells hit him instantly after his sight senses were no longer taken up. The scent of Percy was the first thing that hit Nico, which made him grip the sheet tighter. He could feel it rolling in, the disgusting feelings again, the ones he pushed down. He wanted to cry loudly, to scream, to kick against the wall until it all got left out. To have Bianca stroke his hair softly until he calmed down, quietly singing while she did it. She could calm him down; she always was able to do that.

The thought of Bianca made more tears come to Nico's eyes, the sudden rush of sadness all piling together. Stupid Percy. It was all his fault. It always was. Every single bit of it, of everything. It was all the god damned son of the sea's fault! Why Bianca was dead, why he was curled up here right now, letting in his stupid scent. Like salty sweet snacks, the kinds you got at a candy shop in bags that were weighed while nice sales ladies smiled down at you. Like messy black hair left to lie out on the pillow. Like the ocean Nico had always wished he could see more of, its endless waves and cascading blues and greens always being a wonderland he was never allowed to explore. For his own good, maybe, but it still made his throat sting in jealousy.

Coming into this room was a bad idea, that's what the salty tears stinging at Nico's eyes told him. He shouldn't be in here. Despite how nice this bed felt, despite how much he missed Percy… His stupid laugh, horrible smile, disgusting hair… It was all so… Aggravatingly perfect. He was everything Nico wished he could be, everything he loved. Those green eyes that shone with a light in them he had never seen before, one of passion and fire. How could fire be in something the same color of the sea? He was infuriatingly wonderful in everything he did, and completely and utterly unobtainable.

Just thinking that made Nico want to vomit.

Being interested in another guy… It was wrong. It was terrible, horrible, disgusting. Nico kept using that word, but it was what he felt.

Disgusting.

The tears came faster now, thicker as they rolled down. It was all too much and Nico buried his face deep into the pillows around him. That made it worse; they were so much more Percy than the blanket had been. The younger boy tried to keep his eyes shut and breathe in the scent, in and out. He pretended Percy was there right now, holding him close. He wasn't saying he was wrong or disgusting, or talking about how he should just die for thinking those things. No, he was smiling, singing softly to him in Italian. His words were chopped and broken, a terrible accent attempt on his voice, but he was doing it for Nico. He would be wearing that terrible orange shirt too, the one that reflected off his face too much and didn't make his eyes show like how he deserved.

The hiccupping sobs from Nico slowly subsided and he curled in on himself. Percy wasn't here, and even if he was, he wouldn't be doing those things. He would be standing across the room with Annabeth, trying to help him. With his girlfriend, a wonderful girl, pretty, smart… Everything. That's what made it all so much worse, was how great Percy had it, how perfect his relationship was. But Jackson would just stand there, his black eyebrows creased together in concern, and try to help, Annabeth at his side. Nothing would really come from it, nothing but false words that weren't even what Nico wanted to hear. Bianca certainly wasn't here to comfort him; hell Hazel wouldn't even be able to do it.

Nico pushed himself up from the bed, stumbling a bit as he did it too quickly and his foot got caught on the blanket. He righted himself and put back on his shoes, walking towards the door. He stopped in front of it and pressed his forehead against the wood. He let himself draw a quick shaky breath.

Nothing was going to change. He had to adapt. Only the strong survived.

That was life.

That was even death.

Nico opened the door quickly and made his way back to his own sleeping arrangements for the night, only passing a watchful Jason on his way there. Jason didn't look up, didn't react when he heard the soft hitch of Nico's voice as he went. He knew the dark haired boy wouldn't tell him what was wrong anyway, so he just kept on with not asking.


End file.
